The healing power of self-compassion
My ideas and insights about the Gremlin and how to manage it have always had a fundamental role to play when it comes to explaining and dealing with the vast range of our relationships and experiences.
Mostly, I focus on the power of self-awareness because you can’t change any aspect of your life until you come to see how you contribute to that relationship or situation. Seeing it is deeply empowering because, while you cannot change how other people behave, you can change the way you engage, communicate and connect – and that includes your relationship with your Gremlin. Continue Reading…
What is self-trust?
Do you trust yourself?
When I first start working with a new client, more than one tends to comment that they don’t really trust their own judgement because they have made so many poor choices in the past.
These comments got me thinking: What does it really means to trust?
These clients have got one thing right: it IS about trusting (or not trusting) themselves. That definitely fits my own experience in the early days. I tended to hand over decisions about Continue Reading…
Self-sabotage and other destructive behaviours
‘Sabotaging yourself’, ‘letting yourself down’, ‘betraying yourself’ – each of them are very strong expressions. The obvious question would be: “why would we do a thing like that?”. My answer is “probably because we don’t realise we’re doing it”. But we do experience the results even though we don’t realise we are the ones who have created it.
Common self-sabotage
So what does it look like when we sabotage Continue Reading…
Why living in the present is the only way to live
Over the last few weeks I have been reflecting about what it really means to live in the here and now.
Some people believe in the saying: “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die”. These people act on impulse without thought to any consequences – either to themselves or anybody else. And, when that consequence comes about, they rarely see the connection. They might believe that this is what it means to live in the here and now.
Take the time to smell the flowers
My own conclusions are different and are mostly Continue Reading…
Why being strong can push love away
strong enough to ask for help
I’ve always been intrigued by people’s general beliefs around what it means to be strong. Some interpretations include ‘stiff upper lip’, not being influenced by emotions, being Continue Reading…
Love and loss happens but don’t be afraid to try again
Despite the deeply personal nature of this blog I feel compelled to share my experience because I believe the message is important.
I was married for 37 years and, just over 8 years ago, I took the painful step of leaving my marriage. I did it because I finally admitted to myself that I deserved better.
Over the last 8 years I processed most of my baggage and I recently Continue Reading…
If you want to get rid of fear, here’s how
Most people define courage as the absence of fear yet nothing could be further from the truth.
When I was younger, my life was dominated by all kinds of fears which would hold me back in all areas of my life.
Not long ago, I wrote a blog called ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway – really?’ I then went on to share the two biggest examples of ‘going for it’ in my life: leaving my marriage of 37 years and leaving my well paid job at the Institute of Directors.
These decisions took a long time before I felt able to follow through. In fact, in both cases I struggled and resisted for a very long time – years in case of my marriage! Finally, the time came when I felt ready to go for it. By then I had crossed over into my sixties, in itself an unsettling experience.
Hello, world! Here I am!
At last I reached a place where I felt totally clear and certain, and ready to make my move. I was able to do what the mere thought of doing had terrified me for so long. With my marriage, I had reached the point where the pain of staying was worse than the fear of the unknown. In the case of my job, the pull was the need to follow my heart’s desire: to become a life coach.
It would be natural to assume, going by these two examples, that all I have to do is wait until the fear goes away before I can make my move. However, in both cases there were other forces at play. In the case of my marriage, it was realising that I could no longer stay and that I deserved better. In the case of my job it was something else entirely, something more intangible but potent nevertheless: I had identified a calling that kept pulling at me.
What I realised was that, although fear never leaves, belief in my ultimate goal tends to feed me with courage and determination – so the fear is no longer as overwhelming. The last remnants of that fear dissipate when I do the thing I’m so fearful of doing. That’s why this saying is so profound: ‘There’s nothing to fear but fear itself’.
There are times when my Gremlin whispers dire warnings that slow me down and that, for a time, stop me from moving forward. In fact, I have countless examples where stopped myself from listening to my heart. Fortunately, they no longer last as long as they used to.
Today, at the ripe old age of 68, I continue to move forward – I continue to open myself to learning, growing, experimenting, creating. I finally know I matter, I finally know I make a difference, add value. This is the happiest time of my life.
Are you experiencing joy and fulfilment in your own life or is fear holding you back? Would you like to know how to create a rich and rewarding life, irrespective of how old you are? If you do, please contact me to arrange a free consultation:
Sue Plumtree
The Life Enhancing Coach
Author of ‘Dancing with the Mask: learning to love and be loved’
Featured on BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’, ‘The Daily Mail’, ‘The Daily Telegraph’
Tel: 020 8940 7056
Mobile: 07903 795027
Email: sue@sueplumtree.com
Is there such a thing as reality?
I bet you will say to me, were I to ask you, that reality is just that. Reality. You might probably wonder inwardly if I’d gone a little strange.
However, despite your total conviction, I will argue that reality is actually your own creation and that we all experience reality in a way that is unique to us.
Have you ever wondered why the same incident is experienced differently by different people? Why different people notice Continue Reading…
What does it mean to be strong when we’re older?
I’ve always been intrigued by people’s general beliefs around what it means to be strong. They often say words to the effect of it meaning having a ‘stiff upper lip’, not being influenced by emotions, being slightly detached, having a forceful personality. Other words I heard being associated with ‘being strong’ are ‘power’ and ‘might’.
My own interpretation as to what it means to be strong when we’re older is different. Although on the surface this may not be regarded as age related, I believe that it becomes easier as we grow older.
When I was a child my Mum would tell me stories about the time when she and Dad lived in the jungles of Bolivia after escaping the Nazis. One story in particular had a huge impact on me. She would tell me about the time when Continue Reading…
What does it mean to be courageous when we’re older?
There’s a general belief that being courageous is the absence of fear. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In my younger days, I used to allow fear to hold me back. Since then I worked with a life coach who helped me transform my life.
Not long ago I wrote a blog called ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway – really?’ I went on to share the two biggest examples of ‘going for it’ in my life: leaving my marriage of 37 years and leaving my well paid job at the Institute of Directors.
In both cases I Continue Reading…