Do you want to change other people? Here’s how…

"You should talk! You're the most untidy person I know!"

“You should talk! You’re the most untidy person I know!”

As a child it was explicitly drummed into me that I needed other people’s goodwill for my emotional, even physical survival. As a result, I became a people-pleaser. I became a chameleon turning myself into whatever I believed other people wanted me to be. So it won’t surprise you when I tell you that I was absolutely terrified of conflict.

Standing up for myself was Read more »

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Do you want to create rewarding relationships? Here’s how…

I’ve got good news for you! You no longer need to feel frustrated and resentful because people don’t behave considerately, courteously or politely towards you. Even better, you can change their behaviour.

hYou know how people are always saying, “You can’t change anybody unless they’re willing and able to change”? That’s true if the person doesn’t care about your relationship. Assume they do. You’ll soon find out one way or the other.

Your part in the process is to Read more »

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Do you want to make changes? Yes? No? Yes? No?

So you figured out what you really want – A trip to Thailand – a course in watercolour painting – write a book – start your own business.

How exciting is that!  You’re about to do what you’ve been wanting to do for such a long time!

"What do I really want? I'm confusing myself!"

“What do I really want? I’m confusing myself!”

That’s when the Gremlin – your critical inner chatterbox – strikes terror into your heart:

“A trip to Thailand?! Are you mad!? Do you know how risky it is, a woman on her own?!? Or “Watercolours!?! Give me a break! You can’t even draw stick people!” “Write a book? Who do you think you are, J.K. Rowling?” and on and on and on until you feel intimidated at your own – the word the Gremlin is whispering is probably ‘recklessness’ or ‘selfishness.’

The Gremlin is the world’s expert in Read more »

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How the power of kindness can transform your life

It was always important to me to make a difference in some way but, most of the time, I just didn’t know how.

Then I met Helen. I’d gone to a workshop in London and Helen happened to be sitting next to me. I never felt particularly comfortable in large groups so I developed a strategy to cover me during the breaks.  I’d amble to the window and looked out, pretending to be absorbed by the view.

But this time was different. When the break was announced, Helen turned to me and asked “would you like a glass of water?” Nothing special or  Read more »

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How changing my story changed my life

hHere’s a question: What story are you telling yourself about yourself?

We have stories we tell ourselves about anything and everything – ourselves, other people and life in general. A personal favourite of mine is the ‘helpless’ story. This one is

– or could have been – mine:

“After 37 years, I decided I deserved better and finally left my marriage.

Of course, it was his fault. I had a list of complaints as long as my arm: everything he said or didn’t say; everything he did or didn’t do – that left me feeling resentful, frustrated, angry and hurt.

People I thought were friends walked away.  I felt abandoned. I kept talking about my feelings all the time; I just couldn’t help it. It all seemed so unfair.”

Here’s Read more »

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