Do you want to make changes? Yes? No? Yes? No?

So you figured out what you really want – A trip to Thailand – a course in watercolour painting – write a book – start your own business.

How exciting is that!  You’re about to do what you’ve been wanting to do for such a long time!

That’s when the Gremlin – your critical inner chatterbox – strikes terror into your heart:

“A trip to Thailand?! Are you mad!? Do you know how risky it is, a woman on her own?!? Or “Watercolours!?! Give me a break! You can’t even draw stick people!” “Write a book? Who do you think you are, J.K. Rowling?” and on and on and on until you feel intimidated at your own – the word the Gremlin is whispering is probably ‘recklessness’ or ‘selfishness.’

The Gremlin is the world’s expert in flooding you with fear and self-doubt. After all, he/she/it knows exactly what buttons to push.

Even at this stage of my life, my Gremlin still tries to flood me with a sense of uncertainty: “Can I really pull this off?” “Am I really good enough?”

I’m fighting for my life, the one I really want to live!  “Give it up, Gremlin!”  “I’ve got your number!”, “Nothing you say will slow me down, never mind stop me!”  “I’m stronger than you!”

This is a battle I have no intention of losing.

Don’t let your inner monsters get away with it! Challenge them!

Here are a couple of ideas to help you move forward:

o Confide your dreams in somebody you really trust.
o Go to your local College of Adult Education and find out what that watercolour course involves. Perhaps there’s one for beginners?
o If your dream is to travel to Thailand reflect “who would you like to go with? On my own? With a friend? With a group?
o Use the 80-20 rule. Choose the smallest step that you believe could make the largest impact, for example, take a 15 minute break to recharge your batteries or perhaps a bubble bath instead of a quick shower – something to nurture you.

To go after your dreams you need to know that you deserve to do so. To support you with this please download my FREE e-book, ‘It’s Never Too Late To Learn To Love And Be Loved’. It will show you how, one step at a time.

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How the power of kindness can transform your life

It was always important to me to make a difference in some way but, most of the time, I just didn’t know how.

Then I met Helen. I’d gone to a workshop in London and Helen happened to be sitting next to me. I never felt particularly comfortable in large groups so I developed a strategy to cover me during the breaks.  I’d amble to the window and looked out, pretending to be absorbed by the view.

But this time was different. When the break was announced, Helen turned to me and asked “would you like a glass of water?” Nothing special or  Read more »

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How changing my story changed my life

hHere’s a question: What story are you telling yourself about yourself?

We have stories we tell ourselves about anything and everything – ourselves, other people and life in general. A personal favourite of mine is the ‘helpless’ story. This one is

– or could have been – mine:

“After 37 years, I decided I deserved better and finally left my marriage.

Of course, it was his fault. I had a list of complaints as long as my arm: everything he said or didn’t say; everything he did or didn’t do – that left me feeling resentful, frustrated, angry and hurt.

People I thought were friends walked away.  I felt abandoned. I kept talking about my feelings all the time; I just couldn’t help it. It all seemed so unfair.”

Here’s Read more »

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You can choose how to age

Many people find the idea of growing older quite daunting. They believe that ageing means both physical and mental decline, one that starts right after they retire. What nonsense!

The older person isn’t the only one who believes it’s all the way to ‘the Pearly Gates’, as Felicity (not her real name), one member of my u3a group (University of the Third Age) put it when she first joined my Life Enhancing Group that I run in Twickenham almost a year ago. Their families seem to believe it too.  By the way, Felicity has completely turned her mindset around and is now a joy to behold!

FlowerbedGrace (not her real name), another member, told us that her daughter Read more »

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When a crisis happens, are you in your own safe hands?

Here’s a question I often asked myself when things got tough: “Can I really trust myself to deal with life’s challenges, crises and disappointments?”

I knew that life happens – there’s no way I could get away from that fact. Sometimes I dealt with them well – that is, productively – but at other times I responded like a Drama Queen.
Hopeless man image

“This is hopeless! I can’t deal with it!”

I came to recognise that, while life does happen, what matters is not that it happens (because it does) but how I react and respond to what happens. Obviously, I can’t prepare myself for the unexpected but I can trust myself to handle whatever life sends me.

I saw that I needed to let go of the blame game. Blaming others for whatever goes wrong in my life and relationships only makes me believe I’m a victim.

I also learned to accept responsibility for my reactions and responses to things – whether I liked them or not. To my surprise I discovered that accepting responsibility was actually self-empowering.

But, to really trust myself I needed to get to know myself a whole lot better so I started by asking myself these questions:

“What does really matter to me?“

I’d never thought about this but, when I did, I realised for the first time that, when I know what I truly care about, I’m able to make choices that really work for me.

“What am I truly grateful for?”

There was a lot in my life I was taking for granted so I started a new routine:  every evening I now record in my diary what happened that day that I’m grateful for. A powerful way to build my inner resilience!

“Do I tell myself the truth?”

I started reflecting about what I really needed, what I really wanted, about what I really felt, about what was really true for me.  I needed to know that first before I was able to tell my truth to other people.

Trusting yourself is absolutely fundamental if you want to create the life you yearn for. To discover how, sign up for my F-R-E-E e-book ‘It’s Never Too Late To Learn To Love And Be Loved’. It will show you how, one step at a time.

 

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