Love as Burden

We tend to believe that loving somebody is a straight-forward thing to do. It is not. It is intricately complex, bound up in all kinds of values and beliefs about how love should be expressed in different situations and with different people.

However, there is one aspect of loving – apart from with children – which could be more widely applied. Those of us who read spiritual literature invariably come across the injunction that we need to love unconditionally. This is something I have always resisted, even resented. Continue Reading…

Personal Boundaries – How They Help You Grow

My parents’ experience of war and their enforced dependence on other people’s goodwill caused them to instil into me the importance of getting people to like me. My very survival might depend on it, they said again and again. I grew up with that belief deeply embedded into me and I invested a great deal of effort into presenting myself in a way that I believed would appeal to others, get them to like me, give me work, even love me.

It is, therefore, not surprising that, for most of my adult life, I was not only intent on being all things to Continue Reading…

What Does it Mean to Tell The Truth?

Telling the truth has a bad press and most of us spend a lot of time agonizing about whether or not to tell someone the truth as we see it. The fact is that there’s only person we need to tell the truth to: ourselves.

You may find this hard to believe but, actually, we lie to ourselves all the time.

I genuinely used to believe that to tell someone how I really felt, for example, sad, angry, unhappy, Continue Reading…

How Am I Deceiving Myself?

Like me, you probably grew up believing that telling the truth is something we tell another person when in reality there is only one person we actually need to tell the truth to and that is – ourselves.

This idea may be new to you, perhaps even unsettling but it is one certainly worth exploring. What does it actually mean to tell the truth? Continue Reading…

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

When was the last time you beat yourself up over something? When was the last time you went round and round in your head seething about somebody who pushed some of your hot buttons, re-enacting the conversation again and again in your head, and wishing you had come up with a better put down, said something different, more clever, more cutting – more… ENOUGH!

This is your inner dialogue at work. Your inner dialogue are your thoughts that start from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep.  Continue Reading…