Love as Burden

We tend to believe that loving somebody is a straight-forward thing to do. It is not. It is intricately complex, bound up in all kinds of values and beliefs about how love should be expressed in different situations and with different people.

However, there is one aspect of loving – apart from with children – which could be more widely applied. Those of us who read spiritual literature invariably come across the injunction that we need to love unconditionally. This is something I have always resisted, even resented. Continue Reading…

How to Transform Your Relationships

I was brought up to always be friendly, agreeable, charming and cheerful. My parents believed that would make people like me, and people liking me was, they believed, crucial to my very survival.

I grew up, got married and, over the years, developed a variety of friendships of varying degrees of social ‘appropriateness’ and superficiality. Continue Reading…

Trust and Betrayal

I have just come out of a challenging period where I found out that three people I trusted have betrayed me.

Each case was very different:

One was a solicitor whose appalling service caused me a lot of suffering and I felt compelled to hold him to account. The other was someone I believed to be a friend and the third one was someone I had worked with and came to care for. Continue Reading…

How to Change Relationships

Do you complain when people don’t meet your expected standards of behaviour or service? Do your complaints, however justified, cause the other person to change? No? I didn’t think so.

It has been said that “You cannot change anybody unless they’re willing and able to change.” I say to you “Oh yes, you can!” Continue Reading…