A new model for ageing

Ever since I decided to work with senior and professional people nearing retirement – who are dreading it, I started a process of my own around my own age – 67.  Although nothing in me fits any of the criteria as dictated by social norms such as appearance (I’m blessed with great genes), health and wellbeing, and the way I think and act, I was still wondering “is this it?”

Surveys into the perception Continue Reading…

Am I Lying to Myself? – From Confusion to Clarity

I grew up believing that telling the truth is something we tell another person. But that’s only part of the story.

In reality, the most important person we actually need to tell the truth to is – ourselves.

We lie to ourselves all the time. In my younger days my self-deceptions revolved around my self image. Every time I opened my mouth and started a sentence with “I like to think I am (honest, truthful, reliable, loving or a good friend”), that was my way of trying to look good to myself. Continue Reading…

How To Accept Yourself

Over time I have observed points of similarity in my clients’ life journeys. Although the content of their story differs from person to person the process tends to be similar, one of gradual discovery.

They learn that they need to learn to love themselves – or, a term I prefer, to make friends with themselves – before they can create authentic relationships with others. They learn that they need to tell the truth to themselves first before they can even know what truths they need to tell others.  Continue Reading…

Setbacks: catastrophes or opportunities?

When things go wrong most people’s reaction is frustration and disappointment.  That’s understandable. However, setbacks, disappointments and failures have a useful role to play in our personal growth and development.

I had an exploratory meeting with a client once and I asked him, “what do you do when you have a setback?” He replied, “I panic.” I then followed this with “And what do you do after you finish panicking?” and he said “I continue to panic.”

It turned out that he had been hugely successful when he was employed. Every project he started Continue Reading…

Self-Empowerment

What does it look like when you’re self-empowered?

You empower yourself when you stop blaming others for whatever it is you don’t like about your life.

When you’re self-empowered you stop believing you’re a victim of others and life’s circumstances. Most importantly, you stop expecting others to change and then feeling resentful when they don’t.

When you’re self empowered you ask for what you need and want while, at the same time, you know it’s OK for you not to get what you asked for. However, you can also decide how to react and respond when you don’t get what you want. You see options when before you thought you had none. Continue Reading…

What Does It Mean to Be Responsible?

I was stewing again. I felt angry, frustrated and resentful. How many times did I tell him?! How many more times would I have to tell him?!

Not only doesn’t he do what I tell him, he made me into a nag and I hate being a nag! And it’s his fault because, if he did it straight away I wouldn’t have to nag him, wouldn’t I?!?!

Looking back with the benefit of 20-20 hindsight vision I can see most Continue Reading…

What Does It Mean to Be Strong?

One of the things that used to be really important to me was to be seen as strong and independent.

So, when the thought would flit through my mind that I really could use help, my inner dialogue would go into overdrive:

  • “They have enough on their plate.”
  • “I don’t want to be a burden.”
  • “I don’t want them to think I’m needy or demanding.”

Continue Reading…

What Does It Mean to Take Responsibility?

It has been said that one definition of insanity is doing the same things again and again expecting different results – which is what most of us do. But why do we carry on doing what clearly doesn’t work?

The answer is simple: it’s because we don’t know what else to do.

For me, there would always come a point after yet one other event or interaction that “breaks the camel’s back” when I finally exclaim to myself “there has to be another way!” Over time I have discovered that, yes, there is. Continue Reading…