Love and loss happens but don’t be afraid to try again

Despite the deeply personal nature of this blog I feel compelled to share my experience because I believe the message is important.

I was married for 37 years and, just over 8 years ago, I took the painful step of leaving my marriage. I did it because I finally admitted to myself that I deserved better.

Over the last 8 years I processed most of my baggage and I recently Continue Reading…

If you want to get rid of fear, here’s how

Most people define courage as the absence of fear yet nothing could be further from the truth.

When I was younger, my life was dominated by all kinds of fears which would hold me back in all areas of my life.

Not long ago, I wrote a blog called ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway – really?’ I then went on to share the two biggest examples of ‘going for it’ in my life: leaving my marriage of 37 years and leaving my well paid job at the Institute of Directors.

These decisions took a long time before I felt able to follow through. In fact, in both cases I struggled and resisted for a very long time – years in case of my marriage! Finally, the time came when I felt ready to go for it. By then I had crossed over into my sixties, in itself an unsettling experience.

Hello, world! Here I am!

At last I reached a place where I felt totally clear and certain, and ready to make my move. I was able to do what the mere thought of doing had terrified me for so long. With my marriage, I had reached the point where the pain of staying was worse than the fear of the unknown. In the case of my job, the pull was the need to follow my heart’s desire: to become a life coach.

It would be natural to assume, going by these two examples, that all I have to do is wait until the fear goes away before I can make my move. However, in both cases there were other forces at play. In the case of my marriage, it was realising that I could no longer stay and that I deserved better. In the case of my job it was something else entirely, something more intangible but potent nevertheless: I had identified a calling that kept pulling at me.

What I realised was that, although fear never leaves, belief in my ultimate goal tends to feed me with courage and determination – so the fear is no longer as overwhelming. The last remnants of that fear dissipate when I do the thing I’m so fearful of doing. That’s why this saying is so profound: ‘There’s nothing to fear but fear itself’.

There are times when my Gremlin whispers dire warnings that slow me down and that, for a time, stop me from moving forward. In fact, I have countless examples where stopped myself from listening to my heart. Fortunately, they no longer last as long as they used to.

Today, at the ripe old age of 68, I continue to move forward – I continue to open myself to learning, growing, experimenting, creating. I finally know I matter, I finally know I make a difference, add value. This is the happiest time of my life.

Are you experiencing joy and fulfilment in your own life or is fear holding you back? Would you like to know how to create a rich and rewarding life, irrespective of how old you are? If you do, please contact me to arrange a free consultation:

Sue Plumtree
The Life Enhancing Coach
Author of ‘Dancing with the Mask: learning to love and be loved’
Featured on BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’, ‘The Daily Mail’, ‘The Daily Telegraph’

Tel: 020 8940 7056
Mobile: 07903 795027

What is self-confidence?

I’ve always been fascinated by people who are clearly self-confident.  How do you know when you meet a genuinely confident person?  What do you believe they’re like when no-one is looking?  I’ve come across a number of beliefs – or perhaps I should say ‘myths’ – that people hold about those they believe to be confident which used to include me:

They tend to take people at face value and they, therefore, also tend to believe that confident people have got it ‘all together’, that they don’t experience the fears and doubts that we all, on occasion, suffer from.

This is far from the truth.  Yet, there are a number of things that make self-confident people different:

When life throws them Continue Reading…

Setbacks: catastrophes or opportunities?

When things go wrong most people’s reaction is frustration and disappointment.  That’s understandable. However, setbacks, disappointments and failures have a useful role to play in our personal growth and development.

I had an exploratory meeting with a client once and I asked him, “what do you do when you have a setback?” He replied, “I panic.” I then followed this with “And what do you do after you finish panicking?” and he said “I continue to panic.”

It turned out that he had been hugely successful when he was employed. Every project he started Continue Reading…